In this season of my life, I’ve had to accept the fact that I have to live with scars. Not outside or visible ones, but internal ones – scars that leave a mark on your heart and make life more difficult. Something that I have to remind myself though is that my scars don’t define who I am. They don’t define my life either. In fact, I believe that our scars can make us all the more b e a u t i f u l .
However, accepting the scars that we have and learning how to live with them can be a challenge.
I am reminded of the scars that I have every single day of my life. I almost constantly feel insecure in my relationship, and the funny thing is, my boyfriend has NEVER made me feel insecure. All my insecurities come from my own head due to the damage that I have undertaken due to my past. I am scarred with the fears that one day, my lover will critique me as hard as I have learned to critique myself, and see every imperfection that I see – and leave for something (porn), or someone else. I’ve seen firsthand marriages(s) where this has happened. I’ve seen it in the church, with co-workers, and with people who you trust with all of your heart. I was so bent on actually never getting married to anyone until God changed my heart.
It makes me angry sometimes that I have to put up with these fears and insecurities, because I feel like I can never enjoy life like a “normal person.” It also makes me feel angry towards the people that I know who have triggered these insecurities. BUT, God doesn’t call us to a life of anger, He calls us to a life of love and forgiveness.
I know in my heart of hearts that my significant other will never cheat on me, otherwise I wouldn’t have been dating him these sweet four years long. But that’s the thing about scars – they can even blur our reality from what truly is. The biggest challenge is preventing it from completely distorting our realities and creating the amount of fear required to make a decision we’d regret. This has almost happened to me several times, because it’s caused me to debate on breaking up with him – not because he did anything wrong, but because the mental struggle of fighting off my faulty fears and anxieties is so emotionally and physically draining, it makes me feel unworthy of having him.
But if I gave into that, I know it would only be another way of saying, “ok devil, you win,” and I can’t do that. If I went on with a decision like that, I would miss out on so much. God has used my significant other to help me fight my insecurities in a way that I have never been able to do so, and could never do so on my own. But that’s the point – the devil will use our weaknesses to destroy us and to eliminate every good thing that God has in store for us.
What are your scars? How are they affecting you? Recognize what they are, and take ownership of them. Take comfort in the fact that your scars don’t define you. Allow your experiences to aid you into becoming a stronger individual. Don’t let your wounds and scars take away from a beautiful life that God has laid out for you. And don’t let your scars lead you to fear, for it states in 2 Timothy 1:7 that, “For God has not given us a spirit of fear and timidity, but of power, love, and self-discipline.” Lastly, talk to somebody about your struggles. Feel free to go to my contact page and shoot me an email if you want prayer, or reach out if you want to share your story on how God has used your scars for good. If your main struggle is insecurity like me, take a look at my last post on some day-to-day tips on to how to manage it.
Remember: You never have to carry your burdens alone ❤